I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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