haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
