I think my fart just growled at me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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