my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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