is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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