brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
