yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
