do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
