Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
