Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
