While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
