The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
