i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
