I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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