Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
