I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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