Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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