Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
