Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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