I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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