I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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