the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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