I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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