I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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