You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
