South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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