i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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