sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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