I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
