just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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