Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
