You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
