so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
