That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
