Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
