I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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