im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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