We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
did i just pee glitter
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
