i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
