Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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