Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
