is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
