Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
