do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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