he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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