Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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