Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
