I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
