I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My feet surprised me
Randomize
