I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
