Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
